The last few weeks God continues to challenge me to let down my guard and trust in the plans He has for me. I know He is continuing to stretch me and I have to admit, I don’t really deal with that too well – which is why He probably is continuing to teach me the same lesson over and over. I guess being stubborn is one of those things that as a child of God I have in my nature.
It’s funny because all summer long at Grace (the church we are attending in Ann Arbor) we have been going through the book of Philippians doing a series around “Life Happens.” This was probably one of the most difficult sermon series I have heard in a long time. Going through things like, “What is my definition of success?” and “I’ll be happy when…” these are all things that the world tells me one thing but I know there is this inclining that constantly bugs me day in and day out that this is not all there is, there is so much more. Needless to say, all summer long, the very things that have driven me to be where I am in my career and have driven me to be the wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend and employee that I am today had been challenged and are STILL being challenged.
It didn’t occur to me until just now that all summer long God was preparing me for these last few weeks and for the coming weeks. For the most part, I feel like I have been able to rise above the anxieties and to just go about my day continuing to pray that His plan become mine through all of this. But, there are still times when I have been weak and have been ready to just throw in the towel. It’s funny because just tonight, I witnessed Laney not getting something that she wanted and literally she raised her voice, yelled and screamed and carried on until I paid attention to her. After this happened, I just sat and stared at her for a minute because I realized, I SOOOOO want to do that right now! Why can’t I behave that way? Wait….maybe I am behaving that way just in a so called “adult format.”
Why is it that I continue to think that God doesn’t know what I need? Why is it that I continue to believe that He does not have my and my families interests top of mind? Why can’t I just sit back and let Him do with me what He wants because ultimately His way is the way that I will be able to help further His kingdom? Why do I not trust His plan, even though it may seem crazy, unorganized and completely out of whack to me – I can not see tomorrow and He can – which is all the more reason why I should let Him drive.
Living God’s way is a journey that I will wake up and take day after day because it is better than any other way of life.
Stretch me Lord and continue to remind me that I am your child and You have my best interests at heart.
